


Maybe not being 'enough' is enough for now

by moonlight_mercenary



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Self Confidence Issues, surprisingly very level-headed Tobes, very platonic tkkg tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 16:22:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4673387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_mercenary/pseuds/moonlight_mercenary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima gets triggered into an episode in the middle of practice, and Kageyama notices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe not being 'enough' is enough for now

**Author's Note:**

> Not proof-read.

  
It had all been fine moments ago, Tsukishima trying to block the spikes during their practice. The next moment, he felt too heavy to even move, much less jump for the incoming spike.

 

Not literally though, but surely it’s hard to carry that heavy feeling on your chest like it was pretty normal.

 

Tsukishima recalls that one comment coach Ukai just made. ‘I think that strategy you’d make would work, if only you were faster.’ He meant well, Tsukshima knows, but it rubbed him the wrong way.

 

His mind recalls it again and again, much to his annoyance.

 

_‘If only you were faster’_

 

_‘If only you—’_

 

What, he tries his best (this time even in practice) and it’s still not enough? He already knows that himself but coming from another person’s mouth makes everything around a hundred times more offending.

 

It’s never going to be enough, is it?

 

He decides to bench himself from the practice for a while, right after getting a “why didn’t you jump?!” comment from his teammates (or was it coach Ukai again? He feels too heavy to care), without even asking permission from the coach himself. Well, somehow to get even, even though it’s still his loss anyway. Making the person who annoyed you get annoyed is still something satisfying.

 

He watches the rest of the team from the benches. They continued the practice routine that was based on his strategy, even if he wasn’t there.  _It felt like he wasn’t needed so what’s the point--_

 

‘Is this another episode?’ Another part of Tsukishima’s mind thinks to himself, trying to find some humor in how he feels. He doesn’t. The vision of his teammates playing start to blur the more he reflects.

 

Even at home, whenever his family, whenever his  _brother_ , tries to buy something for him with the allowance the latter gets, it’s belittling how it’s like his brother’s capability is rubbed on his face. It’s not like Akiteru is better than him, but he  _could have been_  if he was given the chance to show his skills off instead of getting benched. And here he is, actually given the chance but it’s still  _not enough_.

 

And that was pretty emphasized today. Just because of that one comment, even though it was perhaps out of goodwill. ‘How more pathetic can I be?’ Tsukishima thinks.

 

Tsukishima felt too isolated, that it hasn’t even sunk in to him at first when his arm suddenly got grabbed. It was in the middle of having him dragged to some place, when he gains his senses back and looks at whoever dragged him.

 

Kageyama apparently also willingly excused himself from the practice after he did, which makes sense if the coach agreed to it, for both sides of the court to even out again.

 

They stopped outside, just behind the court. “No one would probably sneak in on us here,” Kageyama muttered.

 

Tsukishima would have corrected that, if he was his usual self, but he’s not. “What do you want?” He asks the setter.

 

Kageyama starts. “What happened? Yamaguchi’s probably worried about you now, you know.”

 

Tsukishima doesn’t answer, surprised that Kageyama seemed to read him. He felt somehow anxious now because of the same reason.  _It might sound selfish when he tells it._  A few moments of silence between them before Kageyama sighs and follows up again.

 

“I’ve been there too much to not know the signs when someone isn’t okay. There is no big or small problem when someone is clearly not okay with something. So... did coach maybe say something to you?”

 

Tsukishima flinches at the mention of their coach, and fiddles with his thumbs. Of all people, it was the King who got to read him. How funny. He felt cornered nevertheless. But it’s also comforting, someone reading you instead just when you really want to be understood even if your pride stops you from expressing it.

 

He decides to answer. “He said that my suggestion would work if I was only faster.”

 

Kageyama comments. “But you were doing great there.”

 

“It wasn’t how I wanted it to be. It feels like it’s not enough. _I’m_  never enough.” Tsukishima stops himself, even though it was good to open up, he feels like he said too much.

 

Kageyama frowned, and went silent for a while. Tsukishima just looks at him expectantly, before the setter does answer.

 

“It’s… okay, I guess? To feel that you’re never doing enough. I mean, isn’t that why we’re practicing? But then again, that was probably rude for someone else to point out something like that.”

 

“Funny how it’s you who said that, of all people,” Tsukishima retorts.

 

“Well, excuse you!” Kageyama snaps at him. "A-Anyway, I’ll leave it to you to decide if you want to go back to practice or not, but it’s good that you let it out. Are you feeling better now?” He asks, hesitantly placing a hand over Tsukishima’s shoulder as an attempt to a comforting gesture.

 

“Yeah, I do. I’ll go back to practice in a bit. Thanks,” Tsukishima said, and stopped himself from laughing when Kageyama looked at him in shock when he said his gratitude. But true enough, he felt better now. 

 

“We should head back together instead, then.” Kageyama volunteers to lead the way back inside the court.

 

“King.” Tsukishima stops him. “When you said ‘you’ve been there too much’, what did you mean?”

 

Kageyama cracks a small smile. “You just said it.” And he leads their way back.

 

Tsukishima just falls silent while following him, before he speaks up again when they reached the door. “Hey. For the record, I don’t mean it—“ He realizes that it was the same for him. “I’m sorry,” he says instead.

 

Kageyama stops in their tracks. “Did I give up because of that? No. Are you giving up because of this? I don’t think so.” He looks back at Tsukishima, confidence apparent (and perhaps emphasized by the steps, which made Kageyama taller for a moment).

 

A smile graced the blocker’s features. “Of course I won’t."

**Author's Note:**

> This was written on a whim to let something out because I felt triggered earlier in uni hahaha ; ;  
> I really hope I didn't make Ukai too bad. But yeah, basically writing this fic for me was as comforting as Tobio's straightforwardness was to Kei, probably.
> 
> I hope my writing still made sense, though. ; v ;)!!


End file.
